Midlife Crisis – Is It for Real?
What do you think of when someone mentions mid-life crisis?
You probably laugh it off as a joke or roll your eyes. The image that inevitably pops up is a middle-aged man driving a red sportster with overly white pearlies, gold Rolex on his wrist and a sexy young thing sitting next to him. I know, I know…very cliche but that is how people going through mid-life crisis are portrayed, with a dose of exaggeration.
It is not a coincidence that mid-life crisis occurs around the time when a person is on the verge of embarking another phase of life, generally between 45 to 60 years of age, with some degree of variance. It intersects at a point where major events tend to happen in one’s life: death of a parent or a friend, an illness, divorce, retrenchment, kids leaving home otherwise known as empty nest syndrome or giving up hope on parenthood.
This is a stage where people start to re-evaluate their lives. If they want to make any changes before being seduced by angels from heaven – NOW is the time. And this urgency often causes impulsive actions. So is midlife crisis for real or is it just a parody of popular culture?
Well, drawing from my personal experiences…
A few months after my significant other’s 50th birthday, I noticed not-so-subtle changes in his behaviour. He started having a more reckless attitude and talked about quitting his job, buying a sports car, going on risky adventures such as riding his motorcycle from Amsterdam to Singapore (1 of the longest driving route at 14,000km), spend a year roaming Mongolia to test his endurance and survival skill, packing our bags and moving to another part of the world for new experiences.
After much discussion, we compromised and settled on a sports car and that he stopped work since it was no longer meaningful. We were mid-way into building our retirement chest and could live comfortably on just my salary, supplemented by investment income that was streaming in nicely
First, let’s talk about the car. We deliberated between a Mercedes SLK and a BMW Z4. I was sold on the idea of speeding down an Autobahn with wind-in-my-hair and Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club songs blasting from the stereo. We ended up with a sleek Z4, a pulsating choice
If you don’t already know, 1 of the hallmarks of midlife crisis is irrational choices. So how irrational was the Z4?
Every time we go on a vacation requiring a check-in luggage, I had to hold it on my lap as the boot was too small. We got a lot of serve-you-right smirks from drivers who overtook or were overtaken by us, as well as from pedestrians when we stopped in front of traffic lights. Fitting 1 golf bag is a struggle, let alone 2.
One day, while getting out of the car, my husband slipped on a piece of orange peel at a parking lot and landed on his bums. No kidding! He had parked right in front of a gym with full-glass windows where members were pumping irons and running on treadmills with a clear view of the parking lots. Ouch!
Now, back to work. After 25 years of adrenaline-filled days packed with appointments and deadlines, my husband felt bored after 2 months. The perception is that once you stop work, you have all the time in the world to play golf, tennis, or pop in for drinks at pubs whenever fancy hits.
Well, these are fun only if you have someone to do it with. So I was constantly propositioned with last-minute appointments and outings while trying to juggle a heavy workload in the office. The reality is that while you may have all the time in the world, your spouse, buddies, colleagues and acquaintances are at work. Ever been to a party where you’re all dressed up and no one to dance with?
Other personal anecdotes…
A girlfriend got a breast lift, something she had been wanting since giving birth and breastfeeding her son, plumped up her lips and got her body cool-sculpted.
One got divorced at age 43 after being a housewife for 21 years and raising 2 boys and started a private dining venture, all within the same year – talk about late bloomer!
Another 59-year-old friend got a new set of veneers (way too white), removed 4 facial moles and got a tummy tuck. When we last met, he was toying with the idea of hair implant…midlife crisis pin-up boy!!
I guess mine surfaced around 47 years, as I felt myself hurtling imminently towards 50. An awful sense of crossing over to the ‘Dark Side’ fell upon me. I was besieged by constant thoughts of ‘What’s the point of all this?’. It started an earnest soul-searching about what I want to do with my life. Did I want it to continue the way it was? Have I achieved enough? Was there more, and if so, what?
It prompted me to think about leaving my job – you can read more about it here: https://smartretirementtoday.com/about-me/
Midlife crisis was first introduced in 1957 when Dr. Elliot Jacques, social scientist and psychoanalyst, presented his research paper on behavioural change and emotional distress observed in patients aged between 35 to 45 years. It gained prominence in 1965 after his paper was published and the term gained wider awareness and acceptance.
With life expectancy inching higher, midlife crisis also shifted to later years. Studies cite midlife crisis affecting 26% of the population, occurring more in developed countries and with a wide array of outcomes ranging from destructive (divorce), life changing (relocating) to mild (tattoo).
Midlife crisis is more than just a BEEP (replace BEEP with any 4-letter words: boob, face, nose, eyes, lips, hair, lips, body) job. It is not well understood, socially or in medical arena, grossly under-appreciated and under-reported. A polling amongst my own family circle, friends, relatives, colleagues and their network puts it in the range of around 50%. More common than you think.
“A midlife crisis is a conflict between a person’s perception of themselves and their lives as they think they are and what they want them to be. It’s generated by the desire to change one’s identity” ~ neurospatms.com
Despite the comical slant, I am aware it can have devastating effects not just for the person going through it but also the people in their lives. I hope that by highlighting, it gives credence to the phenomenon, that you recognise it and are able to deal with it in a sensitive and constructive way. Not just for yourself, but also for others who are suffering from it.
It is not an ‘illness’ for which medication is available. It is an emotional state of upheaval and despair. Be supportive and sensitive.
The good news is that midlife crisis is a U-shape trough – things get better as one heads out of the danger zone (45-60yrs). I snapped out of mine once I made a plan on what and how I want my second phase of life to be. For those who are in their 60’s and have not experienced it: Congratulations for avoiding a crisis and buying a car that does not fit luggage or golf sets!
“Here comes 40. I’m feeling my age and I’ve ordered the Ferrari. I’m going to get the whole mid-life crisis package.” ~ Keanu Reeves
Too late for him, but hopefully it saves you from this folly.
Psst: for the record, the Z4 was replaced by an SUV that fits 4 check-in luggage and sits up to 6. Something constructive came out of it afterall 🙂
Good luck!
Savvy Maverick
