Age Is Just A Number, Right?

My husband hits the big 6-0 this month and he is not pleased about it, fighting tooth and nail for whatever it is worth. For his 50th, we had a big party in the garden with a Japanese chef rolling sushi on-the-spot but this time round, he feels a little down that time is skidding by so fast and would rather not make a big fuss of it. 

That he is in good company the likes of George Clooney (suave and gorgeous), Barack Obama (stature and respect) and Eddie Murphy (Mr Funny and personification of the toothy grin), does not seem to lift his spirit. There is something about crossing this milestone that brings on melancholy, a definite reminder about mortality. 

In the Chinese culture, turning 60 is a big deal having completed 1 full cycle of the zodiac signs consisting of 12 animals rotating through each natural element of earth, fire, metal, water and wood. In olden times when life span hovered around 60, reaching this age is considered longevity and very auspicious, deserving a big celebration and feast. It should mean pride and achievement instead of trepidation and tinge of sadness, right?

Which set me wondering why society favours youth over seniority. There, I said it! 60 is considered senior, no uncertainty about it, from whichever angle looked at. Why is knowledge and experience over-shadowed by vitality and brashness? Curiosity over wisdom? Spontaneity over calmness? One’s perspective of age changes as one becomes older. In my 20’s, anyone over 50 is considered old; in my 30’s, anyone above 60. Having crossed the 50 mark myself, I think one is considered old only from 70 years onwards..or is this denial? Have I caught the Peter Pan syndrome? 

On a train 10-12 years ago, while travelling to work from Amsterdam to The Hague, a group of girls in late teens boarded the same carriage where I was on. Sitting right behind them and reading in the quietness of the train, I could hear their conversation clearly. One of them just got into a relationship and the rest was obviously curious, asking lots of questions. Their conversation went something like this:

“How often do you see each other?”

“2-3 times a week…but we talk on the phone every single day.”

“What is he like?”

“Funny… and so cool. He has his own apartment!”

“How old is he?”

“27”

“S*#t! That is OLD!”…followed by a chorus of guffaw.

I dropped my book. Everything is relative, isn’t it?     

The other day, our 27-year-old niece was describing a visitor who came knocking on our door while we were out – she lives in our guesthouse next door and often receives delivery on our behalf.     

“Did he leave his name?” we asked.

“Jan or Han, something like that. He was in the neighbourhood and just wanted to say ‘Hi’. He said he will drop by again” she replied, doe-eyed now that she realised it would have been sensible to have taken down his name or contact number. In the Netherlands, 30% of the male population is called Jan and 20% is called Han. So not a good clue.

“What does he look like?”

“Old man, round spectacles and a moustache.”

“How old would you say?”

Her eyes darted quickly to my husband, followed immediately by “Not that old…maybe 60-ish or so?” with her tongue sticking out and started blushing. Blooper!

It is humbling that in the eyes of those below their 30’s, people older than 50 are considered old. But hey, with leaps and bounds in improvement of lifestyle, nutrition, healthcare, grooming and awareness of healthy aging, those in their 60’s nowadays are well nourished, looking better and more healthy than their counterparts 2 to 3 generations ago. 

The way I see it, instead of looking at it as “downhill from here”, why not embrace the arrival at this stage of life and be grateful in reaching this milestone, especially if still fit, healthy and vivacious. Everyone of us knows someone who never made it to their 60th year. 

My brother-in-law Paul never made it that far. A doctor friend Annemiek died of cancer at 32, a year after giving birth to her son. Another colourful friend Ocky succumbed  to lung cancer at 58. Nico, a dear friend and son of a retired Dutch minister, drowned during a morning swim at 52, leaving behind 3 young sons shy of their teens. 1 of my secondary school classmates died of brain aneurism when he was only 42 and an ex-colleague died of a heart attack at 36 years. The alternative is grim and dreadful.

I know it sounds cliche but count our blessings and appreciate what we still have and our  accomplishments instead of what is lost or bygone. Celebrate the person we have become, the path we have chosen, places we have been, adventures undertaken, people we met, friendships cultivated and the lessons learnt. Cherish the scars on our body and in our soul for they showcase the journey taken, the pain endured and the resilience that got us this far.

We have life experience to share, knowledge to impart and hindsight as guidance, not just for ourselves, but also for others, the community and society at large. Let this be a phase about defining and leaving a lasting legacy instead of just traipsing through time, lamenting its brevity. 

After mulling for a good couple of months, my husband decided to take a leaf from his 94-year-old uncle, with whom he is co-authoring a book, to use this milestone as a trigger for renewed vigour and enthusiasm, to accumulate as much experience and as many memories as he can while still in full health and with an adventurous spirit so that there is no room for regrets when looking back later. 

Being someone who shuns mediocrity, he naturally swings to the other extreme with a renewed purpose and bucket list:

• Publish the book writen with his 94-year-old uncle.
• Produce a cultural documentary on the intertwined history of the Netherlands and Indonesia.
• Take up golf.
• Splurge on a sports car – a 2nd wind of midlife crisis in my view.
• To visit 10 new countries to his current record at 98, bring the total to 108.

Reaching 60 is a triumph in itself. It is a stage where strife for living is behind us, where one can start harvesting the fruits of one’s labour. A stage defined by wisdom, confidence and freedom. 

People say that age is just a number, right? Wrong! It is a word, and it is an abbreviation for:

A = Achieving

G = Grace…through

E = Experience

Stay young, stay vibrant…Happy Birthday!

With love,

Savvy Maverick