Everything Changes In Life Yet Why Are We Not Prepared When It Happens?

My annual pilgrimages home to celebrate Chinese New Year with my parents are always filled with excitement and gleeful longings for things I enjoy. Like getting my fix of favourite foods, going to my regular masseuse, chiropractor, hairstylist and beautician, who does a to-die-for face and shoulder massage. 

Even if some of the activities are not exactly enjoyable – like visits to my dentist – there’s a certain ‘niceness’ and nostalgia being handled by someone who has attended to me since my late teens for the removal of my metallic braces. 

These episodes form a big part of homecoming for me every year. 

No More

This trip though, I was saddened when I found out that my dentist passed away from heart attack while on 1 of his overseas volunteer missions. His clinic informed me he never made it home alive. He was only in his 60’s.

My tui-na masseuse, who knew exactly which spot to relieve my sore muscles and tight shoulders for over 2 decades, couldn’t get a work visa to return to Singapore after visiting her hometown for the first time since Covid outbreak. I wish I took down her home address, if not to visit some day, at least to send a card. Now it’s too late as her employer only knew her Singapore address and not her home in Shandong. 

To top it off, 1 of my favourite food stalls near my college closed down. Apparently the proprietor retired due to ill health. Never knew his name, always just called him ‘Uncle’ whenever I ordered his famous ‘Nasi Lemak’. The fragrant coconut rice with fried fish or chicken wing served with condiments of spicy sambal and peanuts is my perennial favourite. Whenever I frequented his stall, I am reminded of my raucous time with hockey teammates, gorging on plates of his servings after training. Visits to his stall was reliving a slice of my teens. 

Sadly, that memory lane is now closed…and forever, sigh.

Not The Same

Of course I found a new dentist and have already tried out a couple of masseuses through friends’ recommendations. The experiences and feelings, however, are just not the same. And rightly so, because each old ‘relationship’ should remain distinct to preserve its specialness. 

Even though I understand life goes on, we grow old and health deteriorates, I am still surprised at my sadness over these endings. 

As time marches on, these episodes will become more frequent because they are inevitable. I have found these ways to deal with the endings, to minimise the sadness and sense of loss.

Honour The Memories

Accord appropriate time and place to reflect on the memories and experiences. Reminiscing about the times help me to sort out my feelings and to appreciate why these encounters are special.

They mostly tie in to a part of my youth or younger self, so to lose them is like losing a part of my younger self. Filling up these gaps with new memories means putting greater distance between my younger days. And the reminder that I’m getting older.

Live Consciously

In the hustle and bustle of life, I sometimes go through the motion without giving much thought to savour the moment as it happens. For example, queuing for 20 minutes for my favourite hawker dish and eating it while organising my agenda or reading news on my mobile. Or planning my next vacation in my head while being massaged instead of enjoying the rhythmic stress-reliving strokes. 

In order words, I want to live consciously and practise mindfulness to enjoy the occasion. To surround myself with positivity and be mindful that how I live every day becomes my life. 

Personal Growth

Letting go offers insight and help me learn more about myself as my comfort zones are tested. Changes reinforce what are truly important in my life at that juncture. For what I hold dear changes over time as I evolve as a person. 

In the past, I attach huge importance in experiencing the must-do or must-see whenever I travel to a new destination. Now I prefer meeting new contacts in relaxed cafe amidst cosy settings than trying to score a reservation at that highly acclaimed snobbish restaurant just for being there and trying it.

Control

Instead of agonising or being affected by what I cannot control or external circumstances, I will direct my energy and attention to those within my control. My attitude, actions, decisions and choices. I appreciate and am more mindful of times spent with those I treasure. I bring along coffee and snacks to chat with my seamstress, whom I’ve known for more than 20 years, when I bring clothes for alteration instead of zipping by to drop off and collect once done.  

Embrace Change

Change is a natural part of life for life itself is change. And adaptability is an essential life skill that makes the difference between merely surviving and thriving. While at times it can be discomforting, change also presents opportunities for new encounters.

My new dentist is younger and works with more modern techniques and equipment like lasers and 3D imaging. I experienced zero pain (except when anaesthetic was injected into my gum) during  surgical removal of my impacted wisdom tooth. There was only slight swelling post procedure and the cavity has healed within 6 weeks. Funny how losing a wisdom tooth makes me wiser with handling endings 🙂

I wouldn’t have found him if I had not lost my previous dentist for we are all paralysed by inertia, aren’t we? Endings always lead to new beginnings, and first encounters leave special imprints and prevent us from being jaded. Change instils more awareness, revive our senses, and can be for the better. 

Move On

I now view change as a progress in life’s journey and personal growth. I recognise, acknowledge, value and appreciate the roles people and encounters play in my life. And I  will draw on that to help me tackle future changes and deal with closures to parts of my life.

New beginnings will become deeper encounters henceforth as I linger longer to chat and find out more about the person behind the service.

Through these, I hope to develop positive mindset and resilience to deal with life’s  changes with grace and confidence. I will keep in mind that changes should not be dreaded. They are opportunities for growth,  transformation, new experiences and a reminder that life goes on.

Ready for change, ready for life,

Savvy Maverick

 

(Main image: Iconic Marina Bay Sands in Singapore – Savvy Maverick)

 

Disclaimer: The views expressed here are drawn from personal experiences and do not constitute financial advice in any way whatsoever. Nothing published here constitutes an investment recommendation, nor should any data or content be relied upon for investment activities. Please seek independent and thorough research before making any financial decisions, including consulting a qualified professional. Data and information cited from sources will not be updated after publication.