The Privilege Of Retiring With My Mom
On this Mother’s Day, I celebrate the beautiful life journey with the woman who has been my constant force of love, comfort and support since birth.
My Mom has guided me through my tumultuous teen years. She was a rock during my early bumbling adulthood as I tried to stake my place in the world, trying to find my identity. Mom has since become my proud cheerleader as I morph into a confident, independent woman.
Despite the distance and time difference now that I live in Europe and she in Singapore, we talk often about life in the past and share our hopes and fears about growing older. Still hale and hearty in her 70’s, she walks up to 2km a day with my Dad. There’s something special about embracing the passage of time with someone who gave me life and has guided me though many firsts.
The Wonder Years
I grew up when Singapore was a struggling young nation. My sister and I were brought up by my maternal grandparents, while my parents slogged hard to provide for their young family.
Mom was my first role model for working women. We didn’t have much luxuries in the early years but our home was always filled with warmth, love, laugher and the constant whiff of something great cooking in the kitchen. My Grandpa was the quintessential Hainanese cook and passed his genes to Mom 🙂
When I was 7 or 8 years old, I put my pet terrapin in the fridge after Grandpa said that the window sill was too hot and that it was dying because I didn’t fill the tank with water. I can still hear Mom’s cackle upon finding the terrapin in the fridge. I realise now that Mom’s fun spirit has been the impetus for my boldness and audacity in life, living life with a mantra of ‘Why Not‘?. It has also egged me to take on more first experiences.
My toys were unsuspecting spiders spinning webs between the leaves and frightened guppies swimming frantically in the drains. Mom never chided me for letting nature be my playground, much to the chagrin of my grandparents. For they were the ones who had to wash the mud-stained laundry and keep an eye out that I not get hurt.
I’ve had my share of scars from climbing trees and falling off roller skates and bicycles. My Grandma used to say that no one will marry a girl with so many scars. My Mom would immediately chip in, saying someone will marry me for my character despite my scars.
Because Mom never treated me as a demure girl growing up, I’ve never thought of myself as the weaker sex. Whatever the boys do, I can do equally well.
Life Lessons
After getting my driving licence, I took my parents out for a spin. I was hesitant at road junctions and was horned at several times. After making it home safely, my Mom beamed proudly and said: ‘You did good. And remember, it doesn’t hurt to be horned at’.
I was born premature at 7 months. All wrinkled and weighing under 2kg, I spent the first 2 months of my life in an incubator. I knew from my grandparents and Dad that Mom visited me every single day, some days sobbing in despair.
In keeping with the doctor’s advice to develop my respiratory system, I was taught to swim from 1-and-a-half years old. I recall scootering home after swimming, riding pillion on Dad’s trusty Vespa with my sister standing at the floorboard in front (safety was not a big concern in those days). We would run into Mom’s outstretched arms when we arrived home, ravenous for her home-cooked meals. Food was, and still is, at the centre of our family togetherness.
Food
The first meeting after my mother-in-law’s passing, Mom’s initial sentence to my S.O was: “What do you want to eat?” Not condolences or asking how he was coping. And during dinner when my husband started his outpour recounting the difficult months up to and right after his mother’s demise, my Mom interrupted not with related questions but with “Eat…eat while the food is hot”.
I had to assuage my husband’s disappointment by reminding him that food is the symbol of love in Asian culture 🙂
To this day, my S.O does not understand how food can feature in every conversation I have with Mom. Our chats typically start with “What have you eaten today?” or “What will you cook today?”. Even writing this, I could feel my husband rolling his eyes in disbelief.
Unconditional
Her love for me extends beyond to people and things I love and care deeply about. Mom would wake up early to make me nutritional breakfasts before my sports games and walked me to the bus stop. She would brew nourishing soups and sometimes sat with me while I stayed up late studying for exams. And when my dog was old and dying from kidney failure, she would quietly clean up after the mess without a word.
She treated my good friends like her own and would often dish out advice to them, often with her to-die-for cakes and cookies, much to the delight of my friends. I have doubted whether some of them really came for advice or for Mom’s treats.
She adores my godson, born to my best friend and her husband, who are both Americans. Though not very confident in her English (being Chinese-educated), Mom would strike up conversations gamely nonetheless, whenever they visited. Same as with my S.O.
Privilege
There’s a certain beauty in the way time has etched its mark on both of us. Growing old with my mother has been a journey of appreciation, quiet reflection and growing closer.
She’s the one who started me on regular decluttering, after witnessing the different approaches between her and my late mother-in-law. Mom started discarding and simplifying her belongings soon after her retirement, to not burden us with clearing after her.
Together, we’ve navigated the highs and lows of life, drawing strength from each other’s presence and finding solace in the shared understanding that comes with age. I am filled with gratitude for the woman who has shaped me into the person I am today.
To my mom, whose love knows no bounds and whose strength knows no limits: thank you. For your unwavering support, boundless love and sacrifices. You are my rock, my inspiration, my greatest blessing.
To everyone fortunate enough to age and retire with their mothers alongside, a heartfelt wish for a Mother’s Day filled with love and cherished memories. May we continue to grow old together and be strengthened by the extraordinary bond between a mother and child.
Happy Mother’s Day to my forever source of love and inspiration.
I love you Mom,
Savvy Maverick
